The gay witch project

Do you need more proof of total Catholic lunacy? Yes? Take a look at this story in the Australian paper the Herald Sun.

The Vatican doesn’t want priests who are gay. It reckons they can be sought out, much as witch finders would have sought out witches several centuries ago.

And it does have all the hallmarks of a witch hunt. The Devil’s brood we call the Catholic Church can’t burn witches any more, so some other object of their pathological hate has to be found, and be seen to be found.

Gays are the witches of the 20th and 21st centuries.

The Catholic Church in Melbourne has now embraced this Vatican tomfoolery, and will somehow test for would-be priests to ensure they’re not gay. If it weren’t so serious, in that it sends out a dangerous message to gay people struggling with their sexuality, this would be hilarious.

You can just see these infantile old men playing dress-up with the clothes from the big chest in the attic, prancing around the place squealing, “Ooh, look! There’s a poofter! Tee-hee! Quick, let's throw custard pies at the rotter. Giggle, giggle!”

The Herald Sun says, “The head of the Vatican committee that made the recommendations has made it clear celibate gays should also be banned because homosexuality is ‘a type of deviation’.”

Under these preposterous guidelines from the Vatican, even men who appear to be gay must be banned.

They obviously have not seen butch, hairy-arsed gay men and effeminate, limp-wristed straight ones; or gay men who take a very blokish attitude to life and straight men who show signs of sensitivity (and a liking for quiche and curtain materials).

A spokeswoman for the Victorian Gay and Lesbian Rights Lobby, Hayley Conway, tells the paper that the church is sending a “dangerous and offensive” message about sexuality.

“They seem to be moving backwards in a lot of ways which is really unfortunate [. . .] especially for those who are Catholic and out, and there are a lot of them already struggling,” she said.

“If the plan is to root out paedophilia or child molestation, targeting people with homosexual tendencies isn’t the way to go about it.”

Father Bob Maguire, an outspoken Catholic priest, said the document “flies in the face of secular society’s sense of fairness and justice”, adding, “The point is not to what gender you are attracted, but how you manage that attraction.”

Not outspoken enough, cobber. What you should have said was, “The point is not to what gender you are attracted, or even whether you’re attracted to either gender, but how you manage your life ethically and to the benefit of others as well as yourself and your own enjoyment and wellbeing.”

You might have added, “If you want to live an ethical, moral, nonjudgemental life in love and harmony with those around you, don’t have anything to do with the Catholic Church because they’re all as mad as snakes.”