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Friday, 13 March 2009

Oh, look, there is a God. Er, hang on a minute . . .

Advertising agencies and others who make money out of propaganda must be rubbing their hands, and praising both God and the nonexistence of God at the same time.

The Guardian tells us that the Advertising Standards Authority (ASA) has decided not to rule on the latest claim (or is it a counterclaim?) on whether the Almighty exists.

This one is from the Christian Party, or, as the Graun has it, the “Christian party”, believing, as it does, annoyingly, with so many things, including yer actual names of things, that there’s no need for capital letters, completely ignoring the fact that this does not tell us whether we’re reading a name or a mere description, but that’s the trendy Graun for you, and, yes, I’m digressing.

OK, where was I? Oh, yes, the Christian Party’s entry in this competition to see who can make the best claim says there definitely is a God (it’s a bit of electioneering, really), and the ASA says it’s one of the most complained-of ads since it began its work.

Just what are people worrying their heads about? Why are they spending so much time and money making claims that neither side can prove? OK, the one that claimed “There’s probably no God” was a response to a harsher one from fundies saying we’ll burn in hell, or something equally indicative of mental disorder on the parts of the perpetrators.

But now it’s got out of hand, with claims that Christian ads will be offensive to atheists. Well they’re not offensive to this one, that’s for sure. Let them get on with their pisspottery. It’s no different from seeing a sign outside a church saying “Jesus saves sinners” (to which the obvious rejoinder is, of course, “Well ask him to save one for me”). It’s just that it’s so annoying to think that people are making huge amounts of dosh out of other people’s stupidity.

God has become a soap powder. Daz is best. No, it’s not: Persil washes whiter. Oh no it doesn’t! Oh yes it does!

And what if, as one Christian bus driver did, people refuse to drive vehicles with ads on: atheists refusing to drive “Christian” buses, Christians refusing to drive “atheist” buses?

We may even get Catholic buses being shunned by Church of England drivers. And goodness knows what would happen if there were a slogan saying, “There is an Allah (pbuh). Now stick your bum in the air five times a day and head-butt the floor.”

Anyway, the full story is in the Graun – but do read in that capital “P”. Even the organisation itself uses one.

Talking of which, I visited the Christian Party’s website (to check on that capital “P” – yeah, yeah, call me obsessed, but once you get your teeth into something . . .), and it says you can contribute to their campaign. Beginning with a lovely split infinitive (there I go again), it says, “To financially contribute to our campaign please TEXT AMEN to 60999 to subscribe as a registered supporter.”

I suggest you dial 60999 and text “UP YOURS”! (There, a few capital letters for the Guardian to copy and store in case they run out again – trendy Prats! Oh, look, there’s a capital “P”!)


Anonymous said...

Delightful writing, Andy. Keep it up (the writing, I mean).

Stuart Hartill said...

Can I share an entertaining idea if anyone fancies following it up?
George Hargreaves, the Christian Party kingpin, 'found god' while living here on the Isle of Man. While he moved away, I suspect all his money may not have. Certainly other former showbiz residents tend to keep their fortunes here.
I know at least two other fringe UK parties have been caught out under electoral commission rules for accepting contributions from Manx bank acounts or companies.I suspect Hargreaves must underwrite some of his party's lunatic campaigns -who else would?
Wouldn't it be funny if it turned out a party with such a hardline 'law and order' policy was itself not quite kosher, or that the CP bus adverts were subsidised with money which could be put to better use by the UK taxman, e.g. paying for UK schools or hospitals?