Unfinished business

The world is about to end. Again!

This time it’s not because mosques are out of alignment. It’s all down to mobile phones.

I kid you not.

According to the Scotsman, an Indian Muslim organisation has issued a fatwa over mobile-phone etiquette.

Is this because the mobile phones are ringing out in the mosque in the middle of Friday prayers? No.

Are people texting when they should be praying? Nope.

Using their vibrate mode to induce an interesting sexual experience? No again.

Dying to know?

In the north Indian city of Kanpur, a panel of clerics from the Islamic group Jamia Ashraf-ul-Madaris has set new rules over using phones.

The panel objected to the use of aayats (verses from the Koran) as ringtones. It argues that people answer calls halfway through the aayat, leaving the verse incomplete.

Ghyasuddin, a senior cleric, said: “This kind of action amounts to a gunah [sin].”

So now you know. The verse is incomplete, so Allah will no doubt send his avenging angel to smite the guilty – and, we assume, their mobile phones.

Good job Christians haven’t cottoned onto this idea. You can just see the train carriage full of people getting calls on their mobiles – as so often happens – and they’re all sitting there waiting for the Lord’s Prayer to reach the “for ever and ever, amen” bit before they press the button and say, “Hello? I’m on a train.”

But it could be even worse: it could be the entire Decalogue or the Nicene Creed.