Reality check. Is it the first of April? Nope. Then this must be true.
Believe it or not, Muslims (who else?) are irate, up in arms, complaining, moaning, call it what you will, about a police postcard advertising a non-emergency phone number for a Scottish force.
Why? Is it because someone has printed "Allah be buggered!" on every one of them? Is it because there's a picture of Mohammed twizzling a policeman's helmet on his knob while sucking on a pork sausage?
No. There's a doggy in the picture. That's all. A cute little doggy called Rebel. Sitting in a policeman's cap with a telephone alongside him. That's all. Just Rebel, the cap and the phone. Nothing else. Except the information the Tayside Constabulary wishes to put out, of course, about its non-emergency phone number.
"The advert has upset Muslims because dogs are considered ritually unclean and has sparked such anger that some shopkeepers in Dundee have refused to display the advert," says this story in the Daily Mail (a couple of days old, but, hey, we get there in the end – and not all our highly intelligent readers bother with the Mail).
The story continues: "Dundee councillor Mohammed Asif said: 'My concern was that it's not welcomed by all communities, with the dog on the cards.' "
Poor Mohammed bloody Asif.
He goes on, "They should have understood. Since then, the police have explained that it was an oversight on their part, and that if they'd seen it was going to cause upset they wouldn't have done it."
But why, oh why, should they pay any attention to religious madmen? This sort of thing could go on for ever, with objections to this and that and goodness knows what else. It's total madness, and giving in to these highly disturbed pillocks is just not on.
Should the police not use police dogs, either, then, even in so-called Muslim areas? Would a Muslim police officer refuse to work with a dog? What would happen if he or she did? You can bet your bottom that the moaning Minny's "sensitivities" would be catered for if the following is anything to go by.
A spokesman for the force is quoted as saying, "His incredible worldwide popularity – he has attracted record visitor numbers to our website – led us to believe Rebel could play a starring role in the promotion of our non-emergency number. We did not seek advice from the force's diversity adviser prior to publishing and distributing the postcards. That was an oversight and we apologise for any offence caused." (Emphasis mine.)
Appeasement, no less! You chicken-livered wazzock! Stanley Baldwin had nothing on today's supine, ball-less authorities, who won't stand up to religious insanity and religious bullying, but allow themselves to be walked all over by superstitionists who feel hurt and offended by almost anything you can mention.
Am I angry? Yes, I'm fucking angry!